“Hey you!” this guy always yells, from across the room at me. The first time I thought it was annoying, but when I see that I am the only recipient of this overly exaggerated salute. I notice that he never said it to anyone else, just me, and I know clearly it is because I’m gay, and he’s not. In fact he’s clearly not very comfortable around gays and I know this so I avoid him and don’t talk to him unless its absolutely necessary.
However, time and time again he displays a clear unease when around me. I’m not around him by choice, usually our encounters are around mutual friends that we have.
But this time I have gotten just about enough. His behavior is passive aggressive and if he thinks that I do not realize this he clearly underestimates how perceptive I am.
I’m fed up. He dared even to say that I creeped him out when he was the one who would go out of his way to pinpoint me out of an entire crowd by announcing my name to everyone. This isn’t the way that the typical person would act, and certainly is not a friendly action, though it may seem like it to the uneducated eye. I’m simply not going to tolerate this anymore.
Now I have two options: I can take this directly to the person at hand, sit down with them and discuss this like civilized people, or I can simply take this complaint of homophobia, and harassment to the production office where they may take more serious actions against the person in question.
I am considering the first option rather than the latter. Though a sadistic side of me would very well enjoy seeing him face potential repercussions, a more naive side of me may think that he is simply acting out of fear, rather than hatred. We can’t control what we fear, but it is easier to control where we target our hate.
I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and let him approach me. Hopefully this message will reach his ears and maybe he’ll be civilized enough to sit down and talk, after all we do share many of the same friends, and making peace is far more beneficial than making enemies.
Some people may find that this is just over the two words “hey you”. It isn’t, and in fact it is not just how he says it, but how often he says it, and why he says it that is important. The words themselves are of little consequence, its the overall message that is offensive, and his behavior that make his actions, unacceptable under any circumstance.
